World Cup Schadenfreude - Brazil Edition

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With the 2014 FIFA World Cup nearing the final weekend, and the Dutch out of contention for the title, I can relax and enjoy the fact that Brazil won't be winning the whole thing.

It is no secret I am not fond of Brazil's soccer team. The people, country, and food? Fine by me, but their soccer team can KISS ... MY ... GRITS!

During their beating at the hands of the Germans (7-1 is like 24-3 in hockey terms), I experienced a grand dose of Schadenfreude. I was actually cackling as I watched the Brazilians collapse in front of their home fans, and was enjoying watching the many replays on my screen.

"Jes, why do you not like Brazil?"

Let me count the ways...

The Diving - Italy and Hondruas might be the worst, but Brazil is up there in terms of countries that flop more than a fish out of water, or Arjen Robben. As soon as a Brazilian is within 5 feet of an opposing player, they suddenly have balance issues.

Here is 'Fred' getting a penalty call, thanks to a typical flop:

The Acting - Any time a Brazilian player is even breathed on, or a foul is called on them, they roll around like they've been shot with a rubber bullet. It makes it hard to tell when they are actually hurt, like when Neymar got kneed in the spine.

The Bandwagoners - Strangely, Vancouver seems to suddenly have about 100,000 Brazilians every four years. Brazil is a trendy 'easy' team to cheer for, especially for people with absolutely no connection to the country.

Typical bandwagon douchebag.

Their fans also seem to think that their team and game are 'beautiful', and other football is 'ugly'. Basically, Brazil is the self-absorbed high-maintenance type that is too in love with themselves to ever love you. 

The Names - Yes, you are so awesome and god-like that you go by single names. Fred, Hulk, Kaka, Ronaldo, Neymar, etc ... I don't care of Portguese naming conventions give you 34 different middle and last names. Pick two or three and use them. What conceited poppycock!

To quote the awesome George Carlin:

These singers who think they're so special they only need one name. Bono, Sting, Jewel, Tiffany, Prince. What a crock of shit! Get a fucking last name, would you please? ... It's not bad enough the music sucks, but with no last name, you can't find out where these people live so you can throw a fuckin' bomb through their window! It's frustrating.

The Overt Religiousness - Even after they got curbstomped, the Brazilian players were bowing down to their deity and praying for ... not to get killed by the fans?

 "Please, Hammer, don't hurt me!"

Many of the Brazilian players are in-your-face about their religion as much as a Southern "Born Again" Baptist. Even the strongly Catholic Italians are rather quiet about their religion, and Italians are rarely quiet about anything!

Look, your god does not care about sporting events. You didn't lose because of anything other than your own terrible play and Germany's good tactics.

That penalty call above? Here is Fred thanking God for apparently helping the ref make a terrible call. *sigh* Yes, Brazil are somehow the "Chosen Ones", asshole.

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Now, I expect Brazil is going to slaughter the Netherlands in the "3rd Place game that should not even be played", as Brazil has something to prove to their home fans.

Still, I will take great satisfaction in knowing Brazil won't win the World Cup in their own country, and that they wasted billions of dollars building gaudy sports stadiums instead of addressing actual problems, like poverty.

 OM NOM NOM NOM!

 "I can't believe it's not butter!"

 This is how FIFA developed the 2014 World Cup Logo

 Yes, even their statues were facepalming after that game.

 Aww, I kinda feel a bit sorry for this old guy.

 Burning the flag. How original, you terrorists.

Ummm... wow... 

 DOWN IN FRONT!

 Brazil's new flag

 Now that the Germans have conquered Brazil...

Teeheehee

Thursday Thoughts: Jowls, Howls, and Scowls

Today's random ramblings...

(Jerry Seinfeld voice): What is the deal with right-wing/conservative politicians and big jowls?

Does greed, corruption, and selfishness cause swelling of the goiter, or do big jowls cause those traits? It seems to be fairly consistent.

(I apologize, in advance, for the disturbing images)

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I have been enjoying Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. a lot more the past three weeks, after the warm up laps were completed.

The writing has become much stronger, they've actually used *some* less-than-perfect-specimen actors, and some of the characters are being well developed. I especially enjoyed the eye-camera episode, and the whole chain-of-control it suggests. It's a solid show that we've been looking forward to watching every Tuesday night.

I just wonder when/if we'll see the return of Graviton, the newly created villain.

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If you want one reason why North Americans haven't warmed up to soccer, how about crap like this?

"Arturo Vidal had an evening to forget in Madrid last night, his biggest contribution to the game arguably one of the worst dives of all time.

Juventus' poor European campaign continued with a 2-1 defeat at the hands of Real Madrid, but it was their Chilean midfielder who stole the headlines with a ludicrous penalty appeal in the second half. Vidal who was attempting to square a pass across the area as he approached the byline, completely missed the ball and got his boot stuck in the pitch.

However instead of simply looking foolish as the ball trickled out of play, the 26-year-old made matters far worse by launching himself into the air and appealing for a penalty as he flopped to the turf.

Unfortunately for Vidal there wasn't a Madrid defender within two feet of him so all he succeeded in earning was the scorn of the footballing world for such a blatant and poorly executed dive."

It's bad enough that soccer refs often fall for dives, but why don't they hand out more red and yellow cards for 'simulation'? This kind of crap won't stop if there is no disincentive to do so. Penalties are so valuable in soccer than players will flop quite easily in order to draw them.

Thankfully, most of the MLS doesn't resort to this...North American soccer is a far cry from the Italian league, that's for sure.

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For the Magic: the Gathering geeks who read this, here is a link that shows just the 51 new cards coming out in the Commander decks, and which deck(s) they'll be in. If you want a specific card, and plan to buy a deck, now you have more info.

It looks like the True-Name Nemesis I was drooling over is already pre-selling for about $30-40. Yikes. Good thing the deck I plan to get will have one in it.