(This post will seem like "Bitter Male" ranting. So be it. I don't need to worry about the dating scene in Vancouver, but I still have scars.)Vancouver has a reputation of its citizens being very cold, unfriendly, and shallow. Don't ask me what time it is, you filthy hobo!
I can't say that I'm the warmest person out there, and I'm loathe to talk to strangers, but I've always been an oddball. I wouldn't consider my personality to be the norm of any culture.
Back when I was single (ie. most of my life), I found the online dating scene to be incredibly hard. Even if I sent good messages out, I'd either get ignored, or receive a very brief reply. I'm so very fortunate that I found my wife's profile on Lavalife, after sifting through 100s of uninteresting ones.
It seems that I'm not alone in my personal views on the subject.
Are Vancouver women too picky when it comes to dating?
A new survey from an online dating site has ranked Vancouver women as the pickiest in Canada and the least likely to respond to a man’s message online.
According to AYI.com, Vancouver men have the hardest time getting a date through online dating sites than any other city in Canada.
Montreal women were ranked second and Ottawa came in third.
Now, I have no problem with people being picky about who they choose to spend their time with. I'm extremely picky, my wife is picky, and we picked each other :)
That said, there are two main gripes I had about the online dating scene.
1. Most women's profiles are the exact same. Here's one I stole from a reddit thread.
---
Hi there! So um I'm
not really too sure what to write here, so I'll come back and write more
later. But for now, here goes! I'm an easy going, laid back kinda girl
who loves to laugh and share a fun evening out with the girls! Of
course, I love to stay in on a rainy day and watch movies in my sweat
pants from time to time, too!
I'm a young professional who has a lot on her plate, and am looking for the right guy to top it all off. I love my friends, I love my dog, and family is very important to me. If you're just looking for a booty call or to hook up or whatever, don't bother messaging, I won't respond. Oh yeah, no smokers, either.
I love to travel, do yoga, go hiking (just climbed the Chief!) and to cook, and I also like to keep fit - I'm running my first half marathon in October, so excited!
So if you think you share some of the same interests as me, send me a message and we'll see where it goes!
---
Like 99% of the profiles I encountered, Vancouver women...
2. Most profiles tell you very little about the person, and do little to differentiate them from the typical Vancouverite. Thank you for saying absolutely nothing.
Looking at the 'profile' above, how in the hell are you supposed to start any sort of communication with somebody so generic? "Uhh, I like stuff, and stuff...yeah..."
If you have an online profile, you have a chance to actually sell yourself and say exactly what you want. Do you want a guy who is a corporate climber? Say so! Do you want to have kids in the future? Do you like to protest pipelines? Is there anything interesting about you?
If you want a blank slate, go to a club or bar.
As an aside, I'm sure most males on these sites will have profiles that are fairly similar, too. Few people really want to throw themselves out there, for fear of looking 'weird'.
I was extremely fortunate that my wife was the exception, and was probably the only woman who said she liked RPG's. Yes, she had a very well-written profile that mentioned actual hobbies and geeky things!
---
Here's a common complaint about Vancouver Men, saying we don't know how to approach women or are just lazy, poorly dressed, with no plan in life.
Hmm, I wonder why many men here are scared of pursuing a relationship . If we're to be judged so harshly, and given nasty looks for even trying to strike up a conversation, then why would we even make the effort? For somebody with my low level of self-esteem, it didn't seem worth the effort.
I've had friends or acquaintances that dated almost exclusively Asian women (the ones here for studying, mainly). Why? These women tended to be much more open to conversation, and even seek out chances to talk and practice their English.
To paraphrase what one such friend once said to me, "It's not that they (Asian girls) are easy, it's just that White girls never even talk to me!"
---
I'm very thankful I don't have to deal with any of the Vancouver-area dating scene, as things certainly haven't changed over the past few years. From this guy's perspective, many women around here certainly do their best to give out the unfriendly, shallow vibes. It's no small wonder that so many people here are the same, generic Yaletown Yuppie types. Be anything else, and you get snubbed.
I'm a young professional who has a lot on her plate, and am looking for the right guy to top it all off. I love my friends, I love my dog, and family is very important to me. If you're just looking for a booty call or to hook up or whatever, don't bother messaging, I won't respond. Oh yeah, no smokers, either.
I love to travel, do yoga, go hiking (just climbed the Chief!) and to cook, and I also like to keep fit - I'm running my first half marathon in October, so excited!
So if you think you share some of the same interests as me, send me a message and we'll see where it goes!
---
Like 99% of the profiles I encountered, Vancouver women...
- Love to hike (Everybody says this, yet few actually do it)
- Love Yoga (Zzzz....how cliche)
- Love spending time with their family and friends, as if anyone would say, "I don't enjoy spending time with these people!"
- Are all young professionals (Hint: Money and status will be important)
- Love the outdoors, BUT, they also enjoy a lazy night in (Who the hell doesn't?)
Typical Vancouver couple
2. Most profiles tell you very little about the person, and do little to differentiate them from the typical Vancouverite. Thank you for saying absolutely nothing.
Looking at the 'profile' above, how in the hell are you supposed to start any sort of communication with somebody so generic? "Uhh, I like stuff, and stuff...yeah..."
If you have an online profile, you have a chance to actually sell yourself and say exactly what you want. Do you want a guy who is a corporate climber? Say so! Do you want to have kids in the future? Do you like to protest pipelines? Is there anything interesting about you?
If you want a blank slate, go to a club or bar.
As an aside, I'm sure most males on these sites will have profiles that are fairly similar, too. Few people really want to throw themselves out there, for fear of looking 'weird'.
I was extremely fortunate that my wife was the exception, and was probably the only woman who said she liked RPG's. Yes, she had a very well-written profile that mentioned actual hobbies and geeky things!
---
Here's a common complaint about Vancouver Men, saying we don't know how to approach women or are just lazy, poorly dressed, with no plan in life.
Hmm, I wonder why many men here are scared of pursuing a relationship . If we're to be judged so harshly, and given nasty looks for even trying to strike up a conversation, then why would we even make the effort? For somebody with my low level of self-esteem, it didn't seem worth the effort.
I've had friends or acquaintances that dated almost exclusively Asian women (the ones here for studying, mainly). Why? These women tended to be much more open to conversation, and even seek out chances to talk and practice their English.
To paraphrase what one such friend once said to me, "It's not that they (Asian girls) are easy, it's just that White girls never even talk to me!"
---
I'm very thankful I don't have to deal with any of the Vancouver-area dating scene, as things certainly haven't changed over the past few years. From this guy's perspective, many women around here certainly do their best to give out the unfriendly, shallow vibes. It's no small wonder that so many people here are the same, generic Yaletown Yuppie types. Be anything else, and you get snubbed.
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